<body> Glamorous Indie Rock & Roll Is What I need <body>



Tuesday, July 14, 2009
part 4 life of regrets..

so it ended while i was nearing to sec 3...

so sec 3 life huhs?

i had to start anew.. went on to a new class separated from azri, khairul and ahmad..

i met hussaini who was a dear friend to me.. but hardship was in my way..

life wasn't fair for me... hussaini was the one that went through my hardships...

we were like brothers.. and i felt i found a replacement for all those friends i lost..

it was a good feeling but it didnt last..... i went emo meeting him.. though it was sadistic but it gave me a bigger view of the world...

emo is always defined as being sadistic one who hurts themselves to get rid of the pain they feel in life.. in other words.. to run away from life..

but you all just got it all wrong.. emo's dunt run away from life.. they fucking face it head on.. those cuts were not for fun.. not to give up life..

its just a reminder to us we're living in this world.. we're part of the chain in life..

we humans are not superior.. we will bleed if we fall... and thats what cuts are meant to show.. that we are vulnerable..

people just dunt understand this.. and those posers make us look bad.. and being emo was sorta bad and ppl shunned you...

why? they were afraid.. harming oneself isnt sane.. but smtimes you just have to see it from a different perspective...

and hussaini and me saw life in a bigger and different perspective..

and at times cutting ourselves werent because we were insane but it gives us an adrenaline rush.. and no kidding.. if you bleed the brain will release adrenaline.. to make the pain more endurable...

but our friendship lasted only for a year and i lost yet another friend...

the reason of our friendship breaking apart at that time was due to a girl's jealousy.. because we spent way too much time together...

but isnt it just freaking jealousy? yeah it was.. because his girlfriend made false accusations..

she said that i texted her saying she's a bitch and stuff(well she is one but i never really said it.. )

wahahaha! evil me.. but its the truth..

but yeah so jealousy really is ugly.. and this time i was all alone...

the life of a loner.. was freaking fun... you could see everyone's reaction.. how they would treat you.. and most importantly their true colours...

i was mocked by ppl.. made fun of and was most of the time being avoided...

maybe it was because i was just to scary? because they think im crazy to cut my own self and to wear eyeliner... and stuff like that..

let me clear something straight... wearing eyeliner is not gay... unless the colour is outstanding..(other than black colour that is)

it just makes ur eyes stand out.. and really i have small eyes.. (sepet)

so wearing eyeliner makes my eyes stand out and look a tad bigger.. LOLX

okays back to story...

yes i was alone.. and i seem to enjoy it.. those lonely break times.. eating all alone.. studying all alone... just doesnt seem wrong to me..

when ppl approach me arent i lonely.. i'll just answer this.. you dunt need to feel lonely alone if you know what you are doing...

and trust me.. i went to town all alone.. doing some shopping and stuff.. it was good.. no one would bug me nor they would hold me back..

and you get to enjoy nature so much more.. i would smtime just walk aimlessly and i find some things that interests me..

like going to a canal.. i just observe the trees.. and at times i see birds that i normally wouldnt be able to spot if i was with someone.. and particularly i like to see the kingfisher.. because its usually all alone.. hunting for food..

and because i was a design and technology student i explored more designs i never imagined.. how buildings were build, the structure, and especially the design..

and one thing irks me is that though im all alone i always envy couple's holding hands or a group of friends chatting and having a laugh..

and subconciously thinking.. my mind would just say that why not make friends in that way you wouldnt be all too lonely and envious...

but i did try.. but it just doesnt feel the same as those times i spent with fauzi, farhan, azri or hussaini... where those times i would be the happiest when im around them..

and so it goes on... to o'lvls... wahahaha i studied all alone and stuff but kinda cool to really absorb lots of stuff alone.. nobody to disturb you.. and if i worked harder back then i would have been in a junior college.. but with my best effort i managed to make it to a polytechnic..

i want to sum up everything now.. and with this 4 parts its all about friends..

do keep reading this blog.. part 5 onwards would be about my relationship with girls....

ouhs2 and hussaini and me are still friends so no worries.. my happiness is still there.. no matter how tragic life is.. you got to find ur happiness urself..

just celebrated hussy the pussy's birthday hope he enjoyed the time i spent with him and stuff ... (smiles widely)

Thanks for reading my blog ppl.. and do keep up with the blog

MUSIC TO THE

HEART

under construction!
will update when i have time!
SCREAM!!


THAT profile

im approximately 167m
my weight is 55kg
Im 18 going 19
AND i do not have any history of medical complications

the bad side of me is
hot tempered..
sarcastic as always
im crazy
i do hold little grudges
i hate the conception of me being lonely and all

BUT I DO HAVE A GOOD SIDE
INDIE ROCK AND ROLL!
im someone who's willing to cry with you when you're down
i can give good advice
im always there for anyone